Peace?! Y’all don’t want it.

     I am not going to lie….I am NOT a “party girl”. Staying at home with a glass of wine, Netflix, a good book, and food is more my speed. Meme’s of guys posting this is what they want in a woman is beginning to circulate and I begin to laugh because this isn’t what they want. This isn’t a new calmer me because of what I have been through this has always been me. Marching to the beat of my own drum is something that I take pride in, but I have come to realize that guys say this is what they want but what they want is wildness and excitement; fights and drama, things that I am really not going to give them. Peace in the storm is what I pride myself on being but it gets boring, shit I will tell you I am boring in a heartbeat; even my extracurriculars aren’t exciting. Well, at least not in the “every night I have to fight to prove my love way.”

     When ready to decompress from a long day no one wants to come home to drama, at least I don’t and dudes are lying and saying they don’t want to either. Shit, I want a sense of comfort I deal with anxiety and stress on my own, and if that’s what you’re bringing in my direction just leave me alone. I am not saying that I won’t listen to you rant, rave, yell, or get angry because that’s fine but that’s as far as it should go. Relaxation is important to me. Peace is easy for me to achieve because I am not dealing with any more bullshit. Before you come at me wanting a girl that’s going to be your peace be sure that you’re ready for that life and that’s for both men and women. I am my own peace and you have to either add to that in my life or be gone. We can’t depend on anyone to be our peace because that comes from within just like happiness but we can rid our lives of those that cause and create chaos.

Say What?!

     I have been on a journey of self since April of 2017. I went from being a wife to being single. Here’s a little history. I met my wasband in 2005. I was a young 21 years old and he was 24. He was nervous, didn’t even want to approach me but by the end of the night he gave me his number, I called and that was all she wrote. Fast Forward, 12 years later after our 10 year anniversary, he left. His exact words were I need some space. I decided I was going to fight because there were plenty of times that I needed space from him but I fought for what our marriage meant to me.

     He came home one day and admitted that he had an affair. It started off emotional and then led to a sexual one and I  was still willing to fight. That woman couldn’t beat me and the 12 years I put in. She didn’t know him the way I knew him. Well after 3 months of him going back and forth and me being cast away as the side bitch. I left. I walked away because eventually I woke up and knew that I deserved more than what I was being given. I owed myself more than what I am allowing to take place. This led me on the journey that I am on now. I have come to some hard realizations. Last year I chose a word for myself and the word was growth. 2017 definitely put me in situations where I had to grow.

     I am definitely ready to continue on the journey that has been placed in front of me and as I explore more of myself and who I am as a woman I am hoping that you will follow me on this lovely journey of awakening and discovery.