Hi, you don’t know me, but I know the author of this blog. She’s my new friend Nika, and somehow she let me use her platform for me to share my own. And I’m so grateful because as creative writing people, we have to share our stories and inspire others to do the same. But anyway, hi, I’m Danielle (or Dani, for short) and I’m a “writer”/blogger/creative person. I put “writer” in quotes because to tell you the truth, I don’t even know if that’s what I am anymore. My job description has changed so many times throughout the years. Student, Salesperson, Assistant, Intern, College Graduate.
Writing was supposed to be my form of escape, my way of trying to decipher what is going on in my own head. But that all changed when I turned 24, just last year in March.
Back then, I’d thought I’d had it all figured out. I’d graduate from college, get a job with a publishing or marketing firm, and live my dream, or what I’d thought was my dream. It was a dream, and in some ways, it still is. But real life, and family struggles got in the way, and made me rethink of if I even want to be a writer anymore. Writing in general isnt looked down on; it’s everywhere in music, movies, TV shows, the Internet. But it doesn’t pay many bills, at least not in the usual way. “When are you going to get a real job?” is the question many people ask me, and for years I thought I knew the answer. But now I don’t, not really.
I stopped writing real stories (well, stories on Twilight Fanfiction) because I grew afraid. Afraid of myself and what I’d become, isolated and anxiety-ridden about everything. Afraid of not being perfect, or the perfect version of myself that I was giving to other people. I went from writing 2-3 times a week, to once, to hardly at all. I did write with a few blogs – I still do – but even that is rare because I can only give a part of myself for so many spaces. Especially if those spaces aren’t mine to begin with.
The last writing experience I’d had this past year was possibly the hardest time of my life. I thought that writing with this one website would set me off to have an amazing career; I’d looked up to the people who ran the website like they were my lifeline. We’d become more than colleagues, we’d become friends! I didn’t think it would get any better than this. Until it all went away. And now, I’m here wondering where to go next.
I’ve been running from myself, from my craft, for awhile now, and I don’t want to anymore. I want people to see my art, but I want to see myself again. I want to move forward to discover a new part of myself while staying true to my first love of writing.
Thank you so much to Nika for letting me be apart of her blogging journey. Follow me on @poetrybooksya on most social media platforms, and let’s discuss.